I’m addicted and I can’t pull the plug. It’s happening. These thoughts are getting stronger and stronger and I feel numb. Once in a while suicide sneaks itself into my head. It’s the easy way out, it feels so peaceful. But I don’t want death, I just want a release from everything thats negative in my life.

I can’t pull the plug on it because it’s out of my control. I pray and plead but I know that just proves that I’m unfaithful and insecure. I try to blend in to fit in but it’s all back firing.

I try to play with fire and each time I keep adding fuel to the fire just to see how far I can go without burning down my mind, and I then I run to the river to fetch some water and put it out to stop these thoughts and help my life get back on track. But the river just keeps getting smaller and more shallow, so soon will it be empty and then it might be too late to save myself from burning out.

Addiction is misery. Addiction is anxiety. Addiction is not living your life true. I need help. But i’m too scared to reach out because I don’t want to be judged. I want to feel normal. I want to feel peace. I want to feel myself, and not what’s inside of me.

Depression, anxiety, suicide…. I don’t want it anymore. I just want to live normal. Please help me.

I hope you are happy.

stablu:

His name trickled off of my tongue and onto the floor,
Resting besides the remains to my heart.
They always said it was the goodbye that hurts the most,
But it was our first hello that led us this way.
Don’t take me to the side and place a final kiss upon my lips.
Don’t tell me you still love me,…

because there are certain things I want to rant/tell you about, but I can’t.

And I’m not making a new one.

I guess I’ll just share it at some point…probably when I’m emotionally going downhill again~